Now, as human beings we value freedom. We value it so much that we fail to truly understand it many times, and, generally, we realize it’s gone only in the most trivial, obvious cases. Truth is, we lose it each time we refuse to fully understand a situation, each time we trade realism for idealism because idealism sounds so much better, only to end up with a deformed perception on reality – like a clear image on it would be easily achievable, anyway…

We love chocolate for the delicious reward that it is, shopping for the illusions of beauty and infinite seduction it brings for our narcissistic selves, idealism for its righteous passion, and we love love. Many of our addictions are originally natural and nonetheless useful things. Even blackjack – I know someone who made a living for his family out of it, during the hard period following World War II. But when we can’t resist emptying our debit & credit cards at the mall, we lose ourselves. Even more when we can’t see the reality and refuse to understand the whole depth of people in their purely human greatness and even more human misery or mediocrity – an addiction to idealism leads fast enough to a taste for misconceptions and prejudice. And even more when love ceases to be generous and becomes dependence and obsession (great article here, by the way, although it only covers erotical love).

Someone told me recently that everyone is an addict, and if they should be addicted to something, they would chose love and ideals. My firm belief is that nicotine would be better.

It seems that only about 40% of married couples have sex at least once a week, while around 15% of married people, both male and female, are basically chaste. Of course, this is an average value, and people in the age group 18-35 are expected to be above this estimation when it comes to sexual activity. My question is, however, why? Why does this happen?

We know people neglect their sexual lives due to stress related issues, relationship troubles or even health problems. If health-stuff is a no-way-out kind of situation, it is also only temporary in most cases, and probably the least frequent of the three. When it comes to relationship issues, the question is why staying in a relationship with someone that doesn’t inspire you to have sex with? Why quarreling and why getting bored? Why wasting your time and stamina in such a limbo? If
you’ve got good stuff there, do something about it, fight to revive it. Otherwise, just go ahead and break the tie. You’ll probably find someone else to be happy with, or maybe not, but if you stay in a bad relationship you’re just giving up this chance for good.

But there are also a lot great relationships out there, that just struggle with the real world-love conflict of interests. That suffer from today’s speed of living because their “involved ones” just put affairs less stringent aside.

Why don’t we *do* it? Because we are so often forgetting how important it is. When your job is very demanding, little energy is left for hot bedroom delights, but, just as you make time to have lunch/dinner, or go grocery shopping, you can spare a couple of hours for lovemaking. It takes some planning effort maybe, but it’ll be the best spent hours of the week, it’ll relax and rejuvenate you, and will do wonders for your mood and your relationship. Because there’s no way your career can match the importance of your loved one – or something is very, very wrong.

You can wake one hour earlier in the morning, and just be spontaneous about it – it’ll be worthed, and who could imagine a better, more shining start for your day? Or you can give up once in a while those extra-office hours, leave the rest of the work for tomorrow, and spend a relaxing evening in the hot tube, with your loved one. Or you can arrange short getaways at the end of the week. These are the little things that will keep the fire burning in your yard, and you won’t have to blame yourselves, years later, for growing apart. It really matters. And no, getting old doesn’t count as an excuse: studies have shown that couples in their 50s and 60s can have fulfilling sexual lives, if they have been actively maintaining them so.

When I was really, really young, there was a whole Kamasutra trend among my friends, male and female alike. The mythical Art of Lovemaking was arousing everyone’s imagination. It sounded deep, mysterious and dirty, and it was all about an universe we were yet to discover. Our minds were tremendously fancying twisted positions and strange techniques, and nothing seemed as exciting as this naive surface-scratching.

Of course, it took me some years to get it right. Some life experiences and some reading, and most of all, some “giving up preconceptions” work, which, I have to admit it wasn’t easy.

Kamasutra was written around 150 B.C. by the Indian scholar Vatsyayana and it is composed of seven parts, 36 chapters, and a total amount of 1250 verses. It describes the practices and discipline of sensual pleasures and it is NOT a tantric text. It does not describe tantric rites, nor do its content have tantrical connotations as it is a book for the noble and the righteous, and it does not address the specific group of the Left Hand followers. On the contrary, it’s rather practical than mystical and it refers to the carnal, legitimate pleasures of day-to-day life.

One of Kamasutra’s more important concerns, however, it is the spirituality of its reader and its relationship to carnality. The book approaches matters of soul with wisdom and it raises important warnings for the young and inexperienced profane, unaware of sexuality’s hidden dangers. Seeking these pleasures for your senses is enriching you, but it can also enslave you to this world and its materiality, to your own desires and the karma they create. That is why Kamasutra is also emphasizing one’s relationship with the other: choosing, getting to know, getting close and getting intimate. Before talking of positions and penetration it talks of kissing and embracing, of beginning and ending, of arts and virtue. Of loving and committing yourself to giving pleasure to the loved one. Of understanding and practicing sensuality as a whole.

“Kama is the enjoyment of appropriate objects by the five senses of hearing, feeling, seeing, tasting and smelling, assisted by the mind together with the soul. The ingredient in this is a peculiar contact between the organ of sense and its object, and the consciousness of pleasure which arises from that contact is called Kama.” (Vatsyayana, Kamasutra).

If interested, you can find here the original translation from Sanskrit, as first printed in 1883.

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