Now, as human beings we value freedom. We value it so much that we fail to truly understand it many times, and, generally, we realize it’s gone only in the most trivial, obvious cases. Truth is, we lose it each time we refuse to fully understand a situation, each time we trade realism for idealism because idealism sounds so much better, only to end up with a deformed perception on reality – like a clear image on it would be easily achievable, anyway…

We love chocolate for the delicious reward that it is, shopping for the illusions of beauty and infinite seduction it brings for our narcissistic selves, idealism for its righteous passion, and we love love. Many of our addictions are originally natural and nonetheless useful things. Even blackjack – I know someone who made a living for his family out of it, during the hard period following World War II. But when we can’t resist emptying our debit & credit cards at the mall, we lose ourselves. Even more when we can’t see the reality and refuse to understand the whole depth of people in their purely human greatness and even more human misery or mediocrity – an addiction to idealism leads fast enough to a taste for misconceptions and prejudice. And even more when love ceases to be generous and becomes dependence and obsession (great article here, by the way, although it only covers erotical love).

Someone told me recently that everyone is an addict, and if they should be addicted to something, they would chose love and ideals. My firm belief is that nicotine would be better.

The evening of 23rd of June is Midsummer’s Eve, and it is an evening for magic and bliss. Most medicinal and magical plants are picked up today, since their healing powers are assumed to reach their peak around midnight or before dawn. Waters are said to be healing also. Bonfires are lit to protect from evil spirits, and spells for growth and fertility are made, some involving beautiful wreaths of flowers and fresh leaves. Love rituals, especially, are everywhere: mock marriages are arranged both between adults as between children, and if a girl puts a bunch of flowers under her pillow she is said to dream of her future spouse that night.

It is a time of magic, but this magic has a sense of humour also – not to forget Shakespeare’s comedy “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”, with the whole bunch of tricks the forest fairies play on one another and on people.

At sunrise, the sun winks, plays and smiles, or so the legend says – however, if you get to see the sunrise, you’ll be blessed and lucky through the year. It is a feast of life, of life at its very best.

Rodin was the one to free sculpture from formalism and bring it to life, his expressive style, evoking both the concrete sensuality of flesh and the mystical purity of spirit, plays with shadows and light, with details and textures, and makes marble and bronze truly human.

I find it perfectly fair and democratic that women can vote, work and support themselves, make their own decisions and have each and every right a human being is entitled to. This is a great thing Modern Times have done for women, and this moral achievement was both necessary and liberating. In some contemporary societies there still are many, many women for which these rights are nothing but a distant dream,  and fighting to impose them is simply vital. I also have all the respect in the world for the works of Simone de Beauvoir or Virginia Woolf.

The Western World, however, is going too far on this. As I’ve been recently travelling by train, carrying quite a heavy suitcase, I found myself struggling to put my luggage up in the luggage rack, while my western male friends were simply watching. Since we’re equal, we’re equal, right? Even if, as a woman, I have a significantly inferior muscular strength and I could use some help.  One could argue this is an isolate case, but no, I’ve met numerous similar situations in Western Europe.  It’s a behavioural trend.

I’ve been watching Sex and The City with my female friends, and I guess no one would disagree with me on it being a good expression of the mainstream feminism in our society.  Let us now remember one thing from the movie: Samantha leaves her handsome, much younger boyfriend, who loved her truly and had morally supported her through chemotherapy, and she does that because of his busy schedule. Like seriously, that’s all you can do, right? When a relationship faces some challenge, you have to think of your own happiness and move on, since a little effort on reviving it, a little well-deserved devotion would be so uncool, right?

What I’m trying to say here, by these examples, is that we are heading towards extremism. When feminists such as Marlene Dixon say that marriage leads to the oppression of women, or when neofeminist groups opinion against vibrators reproducing the shape of the penis and thus perpetuating phallocracy, well… it sounds like it’s time to stop and take a deep breath.

Femininity, my dear friends, is also weakness, and we have to accept that, since it’s biologically built-in. Is seduction and devotion towards our male fellows, and it is also need for love. It is a precious gift that is part of our identity, and, also, is a feature we just wanna waste, since our attractivity is closely related to our femininity. Therefore, while the core values of feminism and femininity go hand in hand, everything is fine and perfectly sane. When contradictions appear, it is a sign that feminism has gone too far, heading towards misandry and its values have turned weird and distorted.

It seems that only about 40% of married couples have sex at least once a week, while around 15% of married people, both male and female, are basically chaste. Of course, this is an average value, and people in the age group 18-35 are expected to be above this estimation when it comes to sexual activity. My question is, however, why? Why does this happen?

We know people neglect their sexual lives due to stress related issues, relationship troubles or even health problems. If health-stuff is a no-way-out kind of situation, it is also only temporary in most cases, and probably the least frequent of the three. When it comes to relationship issues, the question is why staying in a relationship with someone that doesn’t inspire you to have sex with? Why quarreling and why getting bored? Why wasting your time and stamina in such a limbo? If
you’ve got good stuff there, do something about it, fight to revive it. Otherwise, just go ahead and break the tie. You’ll probably find someone else to be happy with, or maybe not, but if you stay in a bad relationship you’re just giving up this chance for good.

But there are also a lot great relationships out there, that just struggle with the real world-love conflict of interests. That suffer from today’s speed of living because their “involved ones” just put affairs less stringent aside.

Why don’t we *do* it? Because we are so often forgetting how important it is. When your job is very demanding, little energy is left for hot bedroom delights, but, just as you make time to have lunch/dinner, or go grocery shopping, you can spare a couple of hours for lovemaking. It takes some planning effort maybe, but it’ll be the best spent hours of the week, it’ll relax and rejuvenate you, and will do wonders for your mood and your relationship. Because there’s no way your career can match the importance of your loved one – or something is very, very wrong.

You can wake one hour earlier in the morning, and just be spontaneous about it – it’ll be worthed, and who could imagine a better, more shining start for your day? Or you can give up once in a while those extra-office hours, leave the rest of the work for tomorrow, and spend a relaxing evening in the hot tube, with your loved one. Or you can arrange short getaways at the end of the week. These are the little things that will keep the fire burning in your yard, and you won’t have to blame yourselves, years later, for growing apart. It really matters. And no, getting old doesn’t count as an excuse: studies have shown that couples in their 50s and 60s can have fulfilling sexual lives, if they have been actively maintaining them so.

A blog is like a home, it has so many things that remind you of who you are, of what you believe in, of your relationship with the world around you. And, while it is part of your public persona (i.e., mask), if you are honest with your readers it ends up by containing more of your ideal self than any other mundane form of disguise. To fully say the truth, I am back here also because I’ve felt a stringent need to better understand myself lately, and, although there are a lot of ways in which this magnificent thing can be achieved, I thought that speaking up about all I have recently seen, learned and experienced will be the best way.

To celebrate my return, here is the great Chavela Vargas, whose passionate songs burn like flames.

When I was really, really young, there was a whole Kamasutra trend among my friends, male and female alike. The mythical Art of Lovemaking was arousing everyone’s imagination. It sounded deep, mysterious and dirty, and it was all about an universe we were yet to discover. Our minds were tremendously fancying twisted positions and strange techniques, and nothing seemed as exciting as this naive surface-scratching.

Of course, it took me some years to get it right. Some life experiences and some reading, and most of all, some “giving up preconceptions” work, which, I have to admit it wasn’t easy.

Kamasutra was written around 150 B.C. by the Indian scholar Vatsyayana and it is composed of seven parts, 36 chapters, and a total amount of 1250 verses. It describes the practices and discipline of sensual pleasures and it is NOT a tantric text. It does not describe tantric rites, nor do its content have tantrical connotations as it is a book for the noble and the righteous, and it does not address the specific group of the Left Hand followers. On the contrary, it’s rather practical than mystical and it refers to the carnal, legitimate pleasures of day-to-day life.

One of Kamasutra’s more important concerns, however, it is the spirituality of its reader and its relationship to carnality. The book approaches matters of soul with wisdom and it raises important warnings for the young and inexperienced profane, unaware of sexuality’s hidden dangers. Seeking these pleasures for your senses is enriching you, but it can also enslave you to this world and its materiality, to your own desires and the karma they create. That is why Kamasutra is also emphasizing one’s relationship with the other: choosing, getting to know, getting close and getting intimate. Before talking of positions and penetration it talks of kissing and embracing, of beginning and ending, of arts and virtue. Of loving and committing yourself to giving pleasure to the loved one. Of understanding and practicing sensuality as a whole.

“Kama is the enjoyment of appropriate objects by the five senses of hearing, feeling, seeing, tasting and smelling, assisted by the mind together with the soul. The ingredient in this is a peculiar contact between the organ of sense and its object, and the consciousness of pleasure which arises from that contact is called Kama.” (Vatsyayana, Kamasutra).

If interested, you can find here the original translation from Sanskrit, as first printed in 1883.

]]> http://www.sansinnocence.com/memories-of-kamasutra/feed/ 3 http://www.sansinnocence.com/venus-retrograde/ http://www.sansinnocence.com/venus-retrograde/#comments Tue, 10 Mar 2009 15:37:55 +0000 Sans Innocence http://www.sansinnocence.com/?p=536 Astrology says Venus is retrograde in this period, starting from 6th of March to the 17th of April, which invites us to rethink and analyze our lives and relationships, to restructure and re-engineer our worlds, to rest, relax and gather our forces for the magnificent times ahead.

The backwards nude Venus picture I’m offering here is a famous Velasquez, and it represents the goddess of beauty and love while looking in the mirror, in a moment of solitude. ‘Cause mirroring, beloved readers, is essential.

“Proving your love”

God, I’ve heard this phrase a million times or more. I’ve heard it from my family, I’ve heard it from my friends, I’ve heard it from close or distant relatives, and, of course, I’ve heard it from lovers up to a point where I had to say: “OK… now I’m feeling a little bit abused.”

What does it actually mean “proving it”, anyway? Of course I would gladly offer my support to my loved ones when they are in trouble, and of course I wouldn’t mind doing it, but I wouldn’t call this “proving my love”, because it’s actually something different, it’s like acting on an impulse: you want that person to be safe and sound, ’cause whatever it hurts her it would also hurt you. You just have to do it. It’s organic. It happens because, whatever it is that is bounding you to the other, is or has grown so strong that it somehow enlarged your self in that person’s direction, assimilating her. She is now contained in your extended self, enriching your life with things you wouldn’t know before. And making you feel each and every of her pains.

This is what they mean when they say: “You are a part of me”. It describes a wonderful, natural process that characterizes close human relationships. When it happens you would do anything that could legitimately help the other, out of impulse. And I guess this is prone to be interpreted as a proof of love.

However, when someone is asking you to “prove” your attachment… well, that brings me an emotional black-mailing flavour. Usually it won’t involve things that are absolutely necessary, things that you would instantly have done for him or her. Usually it’s all about caprices, extravagances, insecurities, lack of understanding that you do have a life beyond them, lack of respect for you as a person, as a free and free-willed individual, and, ultimately, lack of love. Because when you really love someone you would never ask them something that would go against their values, against their inner world or against their possibilities.

Therefore, love-proving? It’s in impulsive acts, in small gestures, in one’s eyes or in one’s kiss. It is never in one’s black-mail or one’s response to it.